The Potato Bug

1969

If Twitter had been around in 1969 more people would have turned up to see me die. But it wasn't. And I didn't. So nothing was lost.

In 1969 I was a 21 year old senior at San Fernando Valley State College in Northridge California. It was an idyllic life. I lived in the Sigma Alpha Mu fraternity house with five other man boys. We each had our own room. I could walk to campus and I had a car to get around LA's wide open spaces.

One downside. This was the one year in my life I had to cook for myself. Before and since I've been able to rely on someone else.

It's not that I can't cook. It's that I don't cook - well. Not something I'm proud of.

But this is a memoir not a confession so back to college days.

Living in the house with five other man boys meant there was a lot of fun on offer. We threw parties often, many brothers used our backyard as a free parking lot and the house as a place to get a beer after a tough day at college.

The backyard also served as a homeland for Potato Bugs more formally known as Jerusalem Crickets. These ugly, bulbous, desultory one to two inch long bugs liked our slice of the neighborhood. The house provided meal choices in a not so clean kitchen and an unkempt garbage area.

The housemates had different cleanliness standards. There was dissension.

We enjoyed squashing the Potato Bugs when they let us but it was a flash-point when one appeared.

One dinnertime I got into a ‘cleaner than thou’ argument with one of the guys.

I don't remember how it escalated into a bet that I would eat a Potato Bug or give my adversary ten bucks but that's what happened.

We set a date one week in the future to add a little unneeded excitement to our contest of wills.

I didn't need the week to consider the wisdom making the bet. Intellectually I knew eating a giant insect wouldn't kill me but, but, but.

I went back and forth in my enthusiasm for the moment.

It was a jump the shark situation but few other people were interested. Without Twitter there was just no way to hype the event. Not many people were interested in seeing me die.

The Potato Bug to be eaten had been corralled and frozen for the week. My plan was to boil my victim before eating. I was going to sanitize my meal before cutting it into morsels of protein.

I couldn't do it. Did you think I would?

In retrospect I realize my aversion to cooking was the problem. I needed more practice.

If this challenge comes up again I'm thinking a stir fry with chicken, cashews, broccoli, green beans, carrots, fava beans and the Potato bug, sliced, diced and spiced.

April 23, 2019