A Steamy Night in Jupiter

2006

Here's a pro tip about how to access marijuana if you suddenly feel like you want to get high but find yourself in a jurisdiction where it’s still not legal so you can't pop over to the nearest convenience store to get your fill.

Truth is as I write this memoir I'm a little surprised I was sixty years old before I discovered this tip. It's likely that I just never needed to know earlier because when pot was part of my life it was just there. But by age sixty I had long passed my still getting stoned date.

So on a steamy night in Jupiter, Florida December 2006 Margie and I were dining out during the first iteration of our annual winter holiday away from Toronto with our friends the Bermans, our 25 year old son and his childhood platonic lady friend Judy in the Food Shack, one of the cool, hard to get into restaurants, close to our rented condo, when Barb, Mrs. Berman, discovered suddenly that she could not face the future without getting high. As I recall we were having quite a raucous time and Barb wanted to take it to the next level. By the way I've changed the names to protect all but my wife and I.

Turns out Judy was the linchpin to this pro tip. As you can imagine with our son there Barb took a few veiled moments to get to the point. We were the generation that didn't get high with their kids. But slowly step by step with appropriate innuendo Barb got the message out. I remember Judy saying “Are you serious? Do you really wanna get high? Wow that is so cool.”

Then Barb chimes in with her two part pro tip strategy. First thing, and this really shows how worldly that Barb is. Speaking with the wisdom of many years experience Barb tells us that one of the bus boys will solve the problem for us. Second thing Barb tells that it will work better if willowy Judy is the one to approach the most likely bus boy. That wasn't really a pro tip but completes the story. I later learned that Barb has used her busboy tip in places as varied as Israel, ski resorts, Mexico, beach resorts and Germany.

Judy was then, and still is, a vibrant fun loving person so it didn't take much cajoling to get her to buy into the plan and then to buy some weed from the most convenient bus boy. I, of course, had to pay. You know how that works. Einstein's third law of family economics. A child never pays for anything if a parent is anywhere close by.

Judy accomplished her mission with relatively ease. The first thing was to identify which of the bus boys spoke English. Ten years ago jobs like that were done mostly by recent economic  immigrants who were new to the English language. The project took two stages. Firstly Judy had to corner her target somewhere comfortably innocuous. That took place publically in an aisle of the restaurant. The ask was made. A rendezvous in a more private area was arranged and about ten minutes later the exchange was made outside the ladies room.

What happened next made the night even more memorable.

We waited until we were outside the restaurant to roll and smoke. We were in Florida not Amsterdam so that precaution was taken.

We got high while driving back to our condo. And were gently buzzed as we climbed the one flight up to our front door. Now the Berman's had done the driving as they had a spacious rental car so we discovered when we went to open the condo that none of us had a key. That's a difficult enough problem when you're straight. In our extra sensitive state it led to jocular laughter mixed with my wife screaming at me; quietly, in respect of the neighbors.

We marched down the stairs and around to the back of the condo in the hope that the balcony door was unlocked, which was likely because we had a screen door that allowed for a nice breeze. And even if it was locked it would be easier to crash thru.

Alas when we got to the back there was no obvious way to get up to our second floor balcony. No combination of strength and lightweightedness produced an acrobatic team tall enough to deposit one of us on the balcony.

Contacting our landlord was out of the question so we began exploring the neighborhood for something tall and mobile that would allow the ascension we needed. We were cautiously optimistic because all the garages were open air.

Well it all turned out well. Stumbling around we happened on a ladder that allowed our ascent and the screen door was open so no crashing thru.

A happy ending to a rollicking life lesson.