My Vagabonding Sitcom

1971

When I left New York flying Pan Am to Lisbon in June 1971 my plan was to meet a woman

in the first class cabin who would escort me around the continent for the next three months. 

I didn't have much money. So I needed help. The first step of my plan worked as expected.

I got bumped up to first class as I checked in. I'm lucky that way. 

I only had three months to travel. Business school was starting in September. This trip

was my swan song transition from childhood as a child to childhood with an MBA. 

But my plan fell apart. I left the plane a solo traveler. So plan B, backpacking and

hitchhiking. I had a book that said I could do it on a dollar a day. 

Here are some memorable events which could become episodes if someone wanted

to do a sitcom about my trip.

Outside the Lisbon terminal I was befriended by an American sailor looking for someone

to share a cab downtown. They were on a two day shore leave and knew Lisbon a bit

so we went to the same cheap hotel in the hilly district overlooking the downtown. An

episode where nothing happened. Seinfeldian. 

In Seville in Spain I met three French guys who introduced me to the idea of going to

Kathmandu, Nepal, a place I had never heard of. I saw them in a few places on the

road. Supporting actors in my sit com. 

Across the border in Perpignan, France I picked up a ride with a family in a crowded van

going all the way to Genoa, Italy. So my new plan to meet a rich woman in Monaco was

thwarted since we drove right through. A road trip episode.

Florence and Rome were artistically interesting but nothing out of the ordinary happened.

The three coins I threw in the fountain fell on deaf ears. 

On the ferry from Brindisi, Italy to Corfu, Greece I made a nuisance of myself. It was an

overnight ferry and I was still asleep when we docked. On my first attempt to disembark I

forgot to pick up my passport. A brouhaha ensued. Very funny.

Several days later I hitchhiked into Athens with a ride to the front door of the Acropolis.

After a 90 minute tour I walked over to the American Express office and met a young

woman who agreed to hitchhike to Istanbul with me. Around midnight we were arrested

for murder just outside the city of Lamia. This would make a good episode. 

Four days later in Istanbul, alone again, I boarded a bus for a four day ride to Tehran.

On the bus I met a young Brit on her way to visit school friends. On the last nite of the

trip we were canoodling when she suddenly became ill and had to leave the bus in a

rush . . . to vomit. A blow to my manhood based on the hysterical reaction of the Iranian

men travelling with us. A humbling episode.

In Tehran I went to an ancient bathhouse to clean up. I expected to see a pile of warm

towels when I got out of the bath. The owner expected me to have my own. A brouhaha

ensued. Very funny. 

In Kabul I met a man so down on his luck, economically and healthwise, that his only

way to get around was to crawl. A poignant episode. 

I crossed the border between Pakistan and India when they were at war. Thankfully not

where I was crossing. A border guard confiscated half of the rupees a German girl

ahead of me in line was trying to smuggle into India to circumvent currency controls. I

was trying to smuggle a hockey puck sized hunk of hash. Lost half to the guard. An

ironic episode.

At the Red Fort in New Delhi I was jumped by a playful child beggar who wouldn't let go.

A brouhaha ensued. I was saved by an embarrassed local businessman. I needed to

bathe again. 

At the airport leaving Kathmandu I discovered along with some border guards that I had

overstayed my visa. They let me go. If they hadn't we would have an episode filmed in a

prison cell. 

The flight from Kathmandu took me back to New Delhi which this time was just a stop over on my way home. I was back in Toronto a few days later where I started generating stories for a new sitcom.